Trying to get back to "normal"...

What is "normal" anyway? Was it what I was before my world got turned upside down? Maybe this new life is true normality and everything else was just a bubble that I was living in. I don't know.
It is weird. My daughter has been gone now for longer then she was here. Kinda sucks, but the feelings of love that I felt for her I wouldn't want to have missed. So am I saying that it was worth going through what I went through, just to be able have felt what I felt? Good question. Ask me again in a few years, maybe I will have an answer for you.
I think that I am ready to start blogging here again. Just get some steam off, get some part of my life back to usual.
I hope everyone had a good holiday season, and I will talk to you all soon...

Confessions of a Blogging Schizophrenic

Some people already now this, but I have two blogs. This one where I can rant and rave until my hearts content...and a "family blog" where I am quite subdued and show alot of pictures of my life...
So it is time to merge the two...at least for awhile.
If you are wondering about my family, and my daughter that has been in the hospital...go HERE
It has everything that has been going on in our lives as a family.
It has been too hard to write full-time on both blogs..so I am going to take a break on this one for a while.
When things settle down, and we learn to breathe again as a family...I can start on this one again.

Anger

I have never had to go through an experience like this before, and I pray never again. Besides the agony of what is going on in my heart, you have the people that don't know what to say, yet say something anyway. I respect the people that come right out and say, "Hey, I am at a loss for words, but I am hear for you...pulling, praying, here for you. But the other people...need a swift kick.


Sometimes I people suck...

I'm so Lost...

My baby girl is going to die, and there is nothing I can do about it. All I get to do is pick the time. I go from agonizing pain to numb. The docs said that she will never grow from where she is at. Her body is small, and her brain just didn't grow, so it is smaller still. She will never be able to think, hear, see, breathe, eat....the list goes on and on. The only thing keeping her alive is modern technology.
So the question is...are we maintaining life...or death?
Why should I have to make this kind of choice in this life?
How is it possible to hurt so bad, and still be alive?
What do I tell my 2 year old when she wants to know where her baby sister is?
What do I do when I have cried every tear that my body has...and I am still crying?
How can I love someone so much, when I have seen them for less then a week?
I already miss her...
Her name is Anarazell Joy.