Leaving a Mark...
All my life I have wanted to make a mark in this world. I’m not alone in this; the world is full of people who want to do this very thing…to varying results. Only history will tell how these ambitious people will be viewed…as famous or infamous.
In my family of seven boys there are several who will make their mark in this world to some degree or another. Being part of such a large family one had to perform to some extent in order to be noticed. One had to play an instrument, be artistic in one way or another, excel in school, or be a leader. While I tried my hand at all of these and can be fairly competent at some, I am always outshined by one brother or another. The drawing talent of some of my bros is amazing. Almost all of them can play some sort of instrument well. Writing and rapping is another one’s gift. One has managerial skills up the ying-yang, I can’t count the businesses he has had a part in opening. Some are organized with their life to the extent that the next several years of their lives are all mapped out already. For others book learning comes as natural as breathing.
When I look at the talent that is in my family I am amazingly proud of everyone. At the same time I am a little jealous. I tried to play an instrument, only to work at it for over a year and have a brother pick it up and surpass me in a matter of months. I tried to draw…again to see that when other brothers drew, my drawings started to look reminiscent of kindergarten all over again. Again and again I would try my hand at something…sweat at it and would be surpassed almost effortlessly. I was biggest brother and that was one thing I had going for me…but even that was taken away recently. I love writing but I know I will never equal the class of one brother.
I enjoyed the things I tried my hand at. I wasn’t doing it just to be noticed (though that did play a role in it), but I wanted to do whatever it was I was doing, until I saw that with all my work, I could never do a good as a job as the other brothers were doing. Usually at that point I quietly stopped and never did it again.
As I am growing up I understand more and more that my acceptance and identity isn’t found in what I am doing or what I accomplish. Nor is it found in other people’s view of me. If I am looking for “myself” in any of those areas as I did for many years I will be continually disappointed and depressed.
It hit me recently that while it may be the destiny of some to leave a mark on this world it obviously isn’t the destiny of everyone. We may all want to touch the world in a memorable way but we all may not. For everyone who leaves a lasting mark there are several million who will never be noticed. Maybe their destiny is to make the famous one what he is…famous. While very few would choose a supporting role; that is where most of us will find ourselves. Our decision becomes how well we will play that role. We can resent and fight against it and thus fulfill our role poorly or we can embrace it and find fulfillment that we never would have expected in playing such a small part.
While I initially fought against me seemingly lesser role I found myself in, I am now beginning to accept it and see the importance of it. With my brothers my job isn’t to compete against them but to encourage them in what they are doing and support them anyway I can. I am learning how to sit in the sidelines and cheer others on. The clincher was when my daughter, Anarazell, was born. She only lived two weeks, but in her sort life she has left more of a mark on people and on this world then I have in 29 years…and you know what, that is ok with me.
Maybe my destiny in this world wasn’t to make a mark, but to have a daughter who did.
In my family of seven boys there are several who will make their mark in this world to some degree or another. Being part of such a large family one had to perform to some extent in order to be noticed. One had to play an instrument, be artistic in one way or another, excel in school, or be a leader. While I tried my hand at all of these and can be fairly competent at some, I am always outshined by one brother or another. The drawing talent of some of my bros is amazing. Almost all of them can play some sort of instrument well. Writing and rapping is another one’s gift. One has managerial skills up the ying-yang, I can’t count the businesses he has had a part in opening. Some are organized with their life to the extent that the next several years of their lives are all mapped out already. For others book learning comes as natural as breathing.
When I look at the talent that is in my family I am amazingly proud of everyone. At the same time I am a little jealous. I tried to play an instrument, only to work at it for over a year and have a brother pick it up and surpass me in a matter of months. I tried to draw…again to see that when other brothers drew, my drawings started to look reminiscent of kindergarten all over again. Again and again I would try my hand at something…sweat at it and would be surpassed almost effortlessly. I was biggest brother and that was one thing I had going for me…but even that was taken away recently. I love writing but I know I will never equal the class of one brother.
I enjoyed the things I tried my hand at. I wasn’t doing it just to be noticed (though that did play a role in it), but I wanted to do whatever it was I was doing, until I saw that with all my work, I could never do a good as a job as the other brothers were doing. Usually at that point I quietly stopped and never did it again.
As I am growing up I understand more and more that my acceptance and identity isn’t found in what I am doing or what I accomplish. Nor is it found in other people’s view of me. If I am looking for “myself” in any of those areas as I did for many years I will be continually disappointed and depressed.
It hit me recently that while it may be the destiny of some to leave a mark on this world it obviously isn’t the destiny of everyone. We may all want to touch the world in a memorable way but we all may not. For everyone who leaves a lasting mark there are several million who will never be noticed. Maybe their destiny is to make the famous one what he is…famous. While very few would choose a supporting role; that is where most of us will find ourselves. Our decision becomes how well we will play that role. We can resent and fight against it and thus fulfill our role poorly or we can embrace it and find fulfillment that we never would have expected in playing such a small part.
While I initially fought against me seemingly lesser role I found myself in, I am now beginning to accept it and see the importance of it. With my brothers my job isn’t to compete against them but to encourage them in what they are doing and support them anyway I can. I am learning how to sit in the sidelines and cheer others on. The clincher was when my daughter, Anarazell, was born. She only lived two weeks, but in her sort life she has left more of a mark on people and on this world then I have in 29 years…and you know what, that is ok with me.
Maybe my destiny in this world wasn’t to make a mark, but to have a daughter who did.
posted by Original Blog-surfer | 8:46 PM
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