The Things I Do For Free Stuff

I am a sucker for free things.
"You will give me a free T-shirt if I do that? Sweet...Sign me up."
This latest thing though was the craziest thing I have done in along time for something free.
I was told by my loving wife, that there was a place that you could renew your vows for Valentines Day. I was against it from the first, but then she said that you get a free dinner for two and two movie tickets. So my little ears perked up. But what is the catch? The place that you renew your vows was in a Walmart parking lot.
ARE YOU KIDDING??? How very redneck can one get?
So I came up with the excuse that there was no way I could even remember what I said on my wedding day in order to try to say them as a Walmart. My wife saw that I was less then enthuseastic and dropped the whole idea.
On Feb.13 I overheard some guys that I work with talking about how they were going to go to this Vow Renewal Ceremony. They had gone the year before and really had a good time. They said that they thought that it was going to be "hokey" but it acutually was pretty nice.
So I surprised my wife and told here that I thought we should go and try it out...worst case scenario...we get a free meal and a movie.
We went out for a Valentine lunch, (dodge the crowds that way) and got to Walmart at 3:20. We were second in line and since the whole thing kicked off at 4 we just talked and visited in the car. At 4 we find out that the Pastor had just been woken up from his nap and was about 20 minutes out.
Nice.
Then at 4:20 we get called into the tent to begin. They call about 15 couples in at once and a big biker women gets up on the stage with a Bible.
I am beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea after all.
Apparently the pastor hadn't made it yet, and they couldn't wait any longer for him.
So this women begins with a prayer saying that would God please bless these couples that had come to renew their vows.
I am beginning to think that I am not here for the same reason that some of these people are. Some people are dressed up, they are looking deeply into their spouses eyes, and I am here for the free stuff.
It goes down hill when I am told to, "Look into my brides eyes and tell her that she is the 'apple of my eye' and that she 'makes my heart go pitter patter'."
Really...I don't recall saying that at my wedding...or anytime in my life for that matter...
We end with another prayer that God would, "re-light the spark in our marriage after tonight".
I am just praying that there are some free goodies after all this.
We end and I look around to see how many people beside my wife and me think this is the silliest thing we have ever done. I then notice that I am a minority in my view. People are really into this...there are actually people, men and women with tears in their eyes.
I was in shock. I thought it it was a funsillyjokething, and there were people there that were quite seriously renewing their vows IN A WALMART PARKING LOT!!!
Oh my word...
But there was free stuff...dinner and a movie...so I am happy. It at least gave me something blog-worthy!!!

Funural Home Directors are Good Sales Men

Almost two months ago now, my two week old daughter died. After my wife and I left the hospital we immediately drove to a funural home to make the proper arrangements. I have never been on this side of a situation like this, so I had no idea what to expect when we went in there. The people there were very friendly and very sympathetic, even though I know that is their job. Being a cynical person by nature I couldn't just leave my cynicism at the door, no matter how hard I tried.
I noticed that they said things like,
"I know how it feels."
Unless you have lost a loved one...no you don't
Then they tell you what services they provide...all for free. They "make no money on services rendered."
Really
You are a business...you have to make money somehow, you aren't just doing this out of the goodness of your hearts.
Then they bring out magazines with all sorts of things you can buy to remember you loved one.
OK, so this is how they make money...selling things. And he was good. Get someone in the lowest part of their life and start playing on those emotions. We chose to buy nothing from them and then he switched to business mode.
To pick up our baby's body from the hospital...usually costs about 150 dollars, but he will only charge us 100. To cremate usually cost again 150 dollars, but he will cut it down to 100.
In Wisconsin you have to pay the county a fee to bury a person...if you choose to cremate then you still have to pay the county a fee for a "cremation permit"...150 dollars...(government must get their money somehow I guess)he can maybe get that waived.
WAIT A SEC...you just said you didn't charge for services...150 dollars to pick an infant up from a hospital. We had been traveling to the hospital everyday for 2 weeks...it only cost about 2 dollars in gas! I'll go pick up the body of my baby! And he is saying that he will cut the price for me? Maybe he isn't supposed to be making any money off me, but I guarantee that he isn't going to lose money because of me. So if he can "cut" the price this time, then just do it all the time...But of course you can't bring these observations up in a funural home...how rude would that be???
They probably think that we are so heartbroken, (which we were) that we won't be thinking right, and they can say whatever and we will just accept it.
Blah
Oh, and a few weeks later when it came time to pay the bill, none of those "price cuts" were on it. Full price, baby. Again, what does one do, cause a fuss in a place like that?
Double blah