Serious For A Change...
I good friend of mine just told me that her Grand-father died a few days ago.
I didn't know what to say. She knew it was coming, and had even made a trip last month to say, "Good-bye", but still you could see in her eyes that she was in pain.
The weird thing is that I have been thinking a lot about this subject this past week at work. My grand-mother is fading fast. A few people from my family are flying out to New York, this September to say their "Good-byes". This will be the first person in my immediate family that will go. With a family as big as mine that is an amazing fact. I am a firm believer in an after-life, but will I recognize her there? Will I even see her?
And in the meantime here on earth...I don't know what to expect. I don't know what I will feel. I have talked to some people about family members dying, but I know that it will still hit me hard. Or will it? I wonder what I will do. Will I shut down for a day or so, will I shrug and go on with life? What if I get the news and I feel nothing? Nothing at all. What does that make me?
I know it is hard to talk about this, especially if you have lost someone...but if you can give be some insite on what to expect, I would greatly appreciate it.
And what do you say to someone going through this that could actually be of help?
I didn't know what to say. She knew it was coming, and had even made a trip last month to say, "Good-bye", but still you could see in her eyes that she was in pain.
The weird thing is that I have been thinking a lot about this subject this past week at work. My grand-mother is fading fast. A few people from my family are flying out to New York, this September to say their "Good-byes". This will be the first person in my immediate family that will go. With a family as big as mine that is an amazing fact. I am a firm believer in an after-life, but will I recognize her there? Will I even see her?
And in the meantime here on earth...I don't know what to expect. I don't know what I will feel. I have talked to some people about family members dying, but I know that it will still hit me hard. Or will it? I wonder what I will do. Will I shut down for a day or so, will I shrug and go on with life? What if I get the news and I feel nothing? Nothing at all. What does that make me?
I know it is hard to talk about this, especially if you have lost someone...but if you can give be some insite on what to expect, I would greatly appreciate it.
And what do you say to someone going through this that could actually be of help?
posted by Original Blog-surfer | 1:35 PM
8 Comments:
I have had one experience with a familly member dying.. She was an aunt of my mother. I wasn't in shock when I heard it, and she had a disease, so it was coming.. But still, like you mentioned, it hits you. I remember that we went to church, and I cried when I saw the coffin.. A couple of months later, when I saw a detailed movie about a man dying (at school), I ran out of the classroom and started crying.. It reminded me of the funeral..
I guess what I'm trying to say, that it is possible that you can feel nothing. But that doesn't mean that you're OK with it, maybe it'll get to you later. It is a really serious subject, but no one is blaming you for talking about it. Everyone does different things, and accepts the news different. But it is not a shame if you do not cry.
At the age of 20 I have 1 parent and no grandparents still alive. Others in my close family has also died during my life. i think I have good reason to have a say. It is painful at first, it's unbelivable, indeed I have yet to realize that my grandmother, whom I was very close to and that died in november, is gone. But after awhile you have to learn to be grateful for all the good moments you have. Death is a natural thing, don't fear it. Concentrate on spending as much time with your grandmother as you can rather than dreading the day you won't be able to. The memories will make you able to live on.
I know that every time I'm having a rough time in life I send a thought to my father, it's like a comfort believing he's watching over me, shaking his head and laughing at me when I'm being silly, and I am convinced I will meet him again.
That is if I stop writing blasphemic posts in my blog.
You cry, think and appreciate the the good times you've spent together and pray for his/her soul.
Guess it’s a really hard question, think most of people get sad when hearin someone’s death but when it comes to someone close ya may feel puzzled & shocked not knowin what happened for a while, but one day ya’ll find out what actually happened ‘n that day’s the worst time of yer life wonderin why it happened to ya as soon as recovered. From then no one’s death bother ya (sometimes even yer own death).but the worst thing to say to somebody who lost a dear is the condolences words that really drive ‘em crazy. And cryin not a bad idea! Well this is what I experienced, better not to think of death ‘n seize the day
Thanks Guys. It seems that the main thing I am hearing is to focus more on the time you have with your loved ones, instead of worrying about what will happen when they die. Sounds like good advice. Thanks for being open with me...
After you have said that final "good-bye" to someone you love, you realize that what you have now are the memories, both good and bad. You can't add to them. Grief can be very unpredictable. Sometimes it feels like a suffocating wave. Other times it's a dull ache. It can jump in your face seemingly out of nowhere. Don't be afraid of it or of expressing your feelings.
when my grandmother died, the most important thing for my family was being there for our grandfather. They were life-long lovers and he didn't know what to do without her. Just try to be their for him, helping others out always makes me feel better, no matter how bad I feel...James 1:27.
Well, I'm 39 years old, so I've experienced quite a few losses (every single grandparent, numerous aunts, uncles, friends my age, friends newborn babies, etc). One constant is that however you react, it's completely normal. You needn't feel guilty if you don't feel anything, and you needn't overreact if you are still sad four years later. It's all normal. But like others have said, once you experience a death of someone close to you, you begin to appreciate life SO MUCH MORE. And you also begin to realise that 70-100 years is an awefully short time to be here, so you want to make the most of it. And also that death, while sad, is a completely natural part of life. Think about it....everybody has to go through it, and it's been going on since the dawn of time. Take a walk through a cemetary sometime and read the headstones. Here lies thousands of people who led long, interesting lives, yet now it's our turn to live. And we won't be here much longer before someone younger than us will be thinking the same thoughts, and we will have long since passed.
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